Thursday, February 18, 2010

Paranoid Wife=Manic Husband

My wife has worked in the ER at a major hospital for many years. I have learned that her exposure to all the horrible things she has seen has made her a little bit paranoid. If my wife has a headache it some how becomes a tumor, if her body aches it could be MS, if her glands are swollen it could be cancer...do you get the point? The truth is my wife is a very strong woman in so many way's, but when it comes to any sort of pain or discomfort, well she's one big girly WIMP.
I said in my first blog that we have witnessed a few friends have some major complications with pregnancy's. I think this jaded us both and we too felt we could be victims to something tragic as well. Ever since that amazing scream from the bathroom we have been trying emotionally prepare ourselves for the worst The reality is from the min we found out she was preggo we had already fell in love with the prospect of this treasure that's was size of a poppy seed. With that being said, every little cramp, ache, or slight discomfort upset my wife. I have seen my wife in many uncomfortable and compromising positions, but nothing prepared me for the night she had the dreadful undeniably painful and debilitating GAS.
It was 5:15 on the Monday of her 8th week of pregnancy. I was home doing some work and I heard my wife's car pull into the garage. From the garage I could hear something that sounded like a terrible moaning which got louder as she approached the door to the house. All I could think was what terrible disease or condition could we be dealing with this evening? When my wife stepped in the door she was hunched over as if someone had slugged her in the stomach and was holding her side and making a sound I could have sworn I heard in the movie Free Willy. She looked up at me with this look of terrible pain and threw her self down on the couch whaling in pain. I rushed to her side and asked what was wrong but nothing could have prepared me for her response "I feel like my insides are being ripped out" At that very moment I thought to myself " I bet this is going to be bad GAS" I told my wife to call her OB and lay down for a bit and if the pain did not let up we would go the ER. Well all of five minutes had passed by and we where in the car going 90 to get to the closest hospital. At this time my wife went from Free Willy to the stomach explosion scene from ALIENS. I have never seen anything like it, and now I was starting to think this could be more then GAS. The moaning was loud, the tears where flowing and her face looked like it was transforming into a wherewolf...It was quite scary. We pulled up to the ER and I jumped out of the car to help my wife out and left the car and basically carried her into the ER. At this point I was starting to emotionally condition myself for this most tragic evening of my entire life...a miscarriage. As I left my wife to go park the car and the tears I saw coming from my wife had started to roll down my cheek as well. I thought this was it our little seed didn't make it. By far it was the most horrible feeling I have ever encountered, but now it was time for me to be strong and get ready to be my wifes support system. I called my mother in law and asked her to please meet us in the ER. I ran back to the waiting room to sit with my wife and as I was making my way to her I see all these people with open wounds, evident broken bones, and a lot of blood. I pushed and shoved to sit next to my wife who was making the biggest scene of anyone in the crowded room. She looked up at me and said " Sweetness this is not good " I knew what she meant by the statement but I just replied " we will be fine I promise" Then we heard the nurse call our names to the front of the ER, and they rushed her to the back where she could be treated. At this time my mother in law had just arrived and the Dr was on his way to examine the very expressive patient. The Dr asked some general questions like" wheres the pain?" My wife replied " MY UTERUS IS BEING RIPPED OUT" the Dr. then asked " Is this your first pregnancy?" at the time I didn't understand why they kept asking that question, but later that night I figured it out. They told my wife they where going to perform a sonogram on her and they would be coming to transport her to the Xray room. My mother in law and I where trying our best to console my wife, but the pain was to great and the entire triage area seemed to be looking at us wondering what could be going on inside my wifes body..I'm telling you rent ALIENS the scene when the alien is ripping itself out of the body of the woman was exactly the scene my wife was portraying. Finally the nurse from sono came to transport my wife for her sonogram, the nurse also examined my wife and asked the same question " Is this your 1st pregnancy?" I was not aloud to go into the sono room with my wife, and that killed me. I stared at that door for what seemed like an hour and prayed as hard as I could that both my wife and my growing poppy seed would be ok...and then the door opened. They rolled my wife out of the room and as she passed me I grabbed her hand, she looked up at me and with this tortured look and said " The baby is fine". At that moment I felt such a releif, but then I thought, well then what could be causing my wife such pain,? I mean was this like Renesme growing at a rapid rate tearing up the inside of poor Bella like in the Twilight book? Then it hit me THIS WAS ALL GAS. The reason everyone kept asking if this was my wifes 1st pregnancy was because many 1st timers mistake this ramped GAS for something terrible. They rolled my little Oscar winner back to her little room in the crowded ER and we where waiting for the OB resident to advise us of what to do. After about an hour, my wifes tortured cries began to fade and for a minute their was silence...and then it happend....the loudest fart I have ever heard in my life. My mother and law and I both jumped up and turned around. The entire waiting area that had been watching my wife in such pain now had been staring because of entirely different type of noise. Then it came again and this one was like a minor earthquake rite in the middle of the ER...she ripped another one. All I could say was "OH MY GOD" and my mother in law said "JENNIFER" At that moment my wifes pale face began to turn rosy pink, and she sat up with a sigh of releif and said "OH MY" It was like looking at a little girl who had accidently peed herself, she was so innocent and joyful to be out of such pain. That was the night I spent six hours in the ER because of GAS.
The truth is I would not change any of my actions that night no matter how paranoid my wife always is, but I learned something very valuable...pregnant woman have some pretty damn bad GAS. I have decided to make GAS a very important character in this journey. I promise you GAS will be joining us in many forms and it's deffinately something to" Expect When SHE's Expecting"...FREE WILLY my ass the AlIEN in my wifes stomach turned out to be just a pocket full of HOT AIR.

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