Monday, May 31, 2010


In the past the preparation for Memorial Day weekend would start many weeks before the arrival of summer. The gym would be increased to 5 times a week, and the diet would consist of just protein and water. Memorial Day weekend for my group of friends meant you had to rock a tank top or bikini and party like a Hollywood movie star all weekend long. In the past about 20 of us would pack our best sunglasses and hitch rides out to the Hampton's to experience a beach side club called Neptune's. We would hop on line and spend a day in the sun drinking, and loving our youth...Those where the best days of my life...and then we step into that OTHER stage of life.
Memorial Day 2010
Friday night...Spent the night at home, my wife sleeping by 9:30pm.
Saturday...Went to Home Depot to buy paint and molding for the baby's room. Saturday night had people over to watch the UFC fight, my wife was sleeping by 10pm.
Sunday...went to our friends pool for a party...THE MAIN EVENT. My friends younger sister lives with my friends and is about time. She had her friends over early and they where all pregaming before going to the Hampton's to party at Neptune's. I sat with them and we discussed all the crazy happenings of the Hampton's, and a part of me truly missed my crazy years of being young and care free and my only worry was how I would get home safe that night. My friends sister and her entourage left for the Hampton's around 2pm, and the rest of my friends guests started to arrive at our party...and it was like I stepped into a new and very different stage of my life...PARENTHOOD. By 3pm my friends yard was filled with baby's ranging from 3 months to 1 yrs old. Everywhere I looked I saw throw up, dirty diapers, strollers, and NOBODY was rocking their tank tops or bikini's...I looked at my very preggo wife and started to have a panic attack. I questioned weather I was ready to be a parent? While everyone was ooogling over these baby's I wanted to be dancing and drinking in a sea of drunks over looking the ocean...what was wrong with me???? I felt like I was stuck in between two stages of my life and I was having this internal battle trying to hold on to my youth. My wife saw me and grabbed my hand and said "I know how you feel, but it will be ok" Then I remembered, my wife use to be dancing and rocking her own bikini with me on that deck in the Hampton's. Now she is carrying something more beautiful then any sunny day, and I get to enter this new stage with the best woman in the world. The truth is watching all my friends juggle all their new families was overwhelming for the both of us and that's just normal. The reality is I spent many days partying it up like a rock star in many clubs and that was an amazing time in my life. Now I must look a head to a new future and family that I will get to encounter. I will be cleaning up throw up, and changing diapers on future Memorial Days..but I will still rock a tank top, and my wife will absolutely still rock her bikini, and Noelle will be sporting her own will be just fine. One thing I will say is my daughter will NEVER be going to a club called Neptunes...because my wife and I wrote the BOOK she will be trying to read...NEVER :)
Happy Memorial Day Everyone

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Unlike most men I truly do enjoy shopping. It's not the actual act of shopping I love, rather I admit to enjoying new and exciting items. My wife makes fun of me because I can't pass up a Marshall's with a discounted Affliction T-shirt or Calvin Klein suit. The best SALE in my book is when something is FREE, which is why I do happen to LOVE the process of registering for a wedding or baby shower. I make it very well known that I would be in control of the Zapper which scans all of our choices. For our wedding I went NUTS and seriously pouted when I found out it was not appropriate to register at BEST BUY, or Circuit City...I'm sorry every new couple absolutely needs a 62 inch LCD flat screen TV. I settled for the very cool vacuum and blender at Bed Bath and Beyond, but I still think men should get their own type of shower maybe we can call it a POWER.
Last week I had the honor of going to Bye Bye Baby, and Baby's R Us with my wife and sister to register for the baby shower. I knew I needed to have some way of participating so I had to be the controller of the ZAPPER. With this POWER I went absolutely NUTS and drove my wife who is always practical crazy, and that always puts a smile on my face. It was like I was transformed into an infant in a toy store and I started ZAPPING everything cool. My child will not just have a pack and play she will have a pack and play 3000, she will have the best stroller, high chair, and OMG the toys..all I gotta say is I will even be entertained. By the end of the day my wife and sister where out of breath and I was feeding my shopping high ready to hit the next store...I even got myself a diaper bag called the Diaper DUDE...Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I know hours later my wife went home deleted some items online that I have ZAPPED, but what she does not know is I have the original print out and will adding my cool stuff back on that registry. The truth is most guy's would fight having to participate in this process, but if you pretend you where in a sporting goods store or electronic warehouse it really can be fun. I loved picking the most fun, safe, and cute items for my daughter, and pictured all the smiles they would produce for my Noelle. I will say this AMERICA...Buy Buy Baby, Best Buy, or Baby's R Us are more then welcome to send me my 62 inch 3D LCD flat screen TV for all the free advertising mentioned in this blog. For all the guys my advise is this...If we must go with our wives to either register for a wedding or baby shower make sure you, and only you, have the POWER of holding the ZAPPER and go absolutely NUTS.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The BabyMOON

Last Saturday I returned from a vacation or what people are now calling a BABYMOON. A babymoon is a new trend where couples plan a vacation before having their first baby. This is to enjoy the last moments alone as a couple without the worries of parenthood. I will say this to my few male readers DO NOT think your babymoon will resemble your Honeymoon, because at 22 weeks preggo it's a whole different type of vacation. We decided to return to the destination of our Honeymoon and go to Sandals in the Bahamas. On my Honeymoon my wife and I escaped back to our room every day for some LOVING and a nap....Babymoon I got lots of NAPS. we did try some loving on the first day, but after a certain point It just, well it feels strange when you know your baby is sharing your wife's body with NAPS and snuggles became the new afternoon delight. On my honeymoon we soaked in the sun all day long...Babymoon your wife will last a few hours before she's uncomfortable and needs immediate air conditioning. Honeymoon we drank all day in the pool and met other drunken Pina Coladas and nobody wanted to talk to the knocked up sober couple. Honeymoon we wondered exotic islands and went on crazy adventures...Babymoon if it did not have a bathroom within a 15 foot radius it just wasn't possible.
I did experience something on my babymoon that I never experienced with any woman on any vacation...CONSTIPATION. After five days of bliss my wife started to feel uncomfortable and realised she has not been able to go to the bathroom. The pain and discomfort began to grow, and we know what happens to my beautiful wife when she's uncomfortable ( if you forgot go read the GAS blog again or rent FREE WILLY) We finally decided to go see the hotel nurse, who was a large and quite scary woman. The nurse said a word that will be sadly imprinted in my mind for the rest of my life... she said my wife needed an "ENEMA". My heart began to pound out of my chest and the beads of sweat started to pour out of my forehead when it hit me...I WOULD HAVE TO PERFORM THIS PROCEDURE ON MY WIFE. We both walked up to the pharmacy and not a word was exchanged when we purchased the DEVICE . It was as if we where two teenagers buying condoms for the first time for an afternoon romp. We finally reached our room and I laid on the bed as my wife prepared for the immediate release of pressure..then my wife called " Sweetness I'm ready". Usually those words coming from a beautiful woman in a hotel room was music to my years, but this was a totally different situation. I held my chest and took a deep breath as I walked around the corner to the bathroom. I grabbed the DEVICE closed my eyes, counted to three and performed the procedure. I had but moments to take cover before the explosion hit, and I ran to the bed and grabbed a pillow to drown out moans and screams...and then there was silence.
It took about 10 uncomfortable minuets before we could look at each other again, and we just started to laugh uncontrollably. It's definitely true LOVE when you can give your wife an ENEMA and still think she's the most beautiful woman in the world.
This Babymoon was definitely not like my Honeymoon, but it did give me some incredible and priceless moments to remember. I felt my baby girl move for the first time, I remembered what it's like to just cuddle with my wife. I saw just how beautiful a pregnant woman could be, and we reconnected as husband and wife, and became a family.
A babymoon is a wonderful thing...just make sure your wife eats lots and LOTS of PRUNES.
This Sunday, May 16th is our 2 year Anniversary and I just wanted to say to my wife who puts up with all these blogs that your husband