Sleeping Beauty

My wife is a very beautiful women, but during her first trimester she is most beautiful when she is SLEEPING. One of my best friends gave me some of the best advise I have received thus far. He said " When your wife is tired encourage her to sleep and treausre this time ,because these are the last moments you will ever have to yourself"

At first I would make fun of my wife because all she wanted to do was sleep. She would get home from work eat dinner and by 8:30 would be in bed and hitting REMS sleep by 8:45. Now I encourage her to sleep because this is the time when I can feel like a man again. I can watch whatever I want on TV, I can play my Wii uninterrupted and simply enjoy some moments of silence. During the many endless hours when my wife is upon the living she tends to have many personalities, some good, most scary, but when she is at rest she is like a princess in a fairy tale. My wife becomes like the characters they use to adore as children, like SNOW WHITE... Warning Prince Charming don't DARE kiss her...just let her sleep, and SLEEPING BEAUTY, again Mr. Prince leave well enough alone, because if you wake her you will unlock an evil you never thought possible.
The minute the first yawn comes out of my wife's mouth I start planning the nights activities. It could be an action movie, it could be this blog, I can catch up on work, download music, whatever it may be I know I will be safe because the woman who was once your wife is sound a sleep. I have heard that this wonderful gift will vanish over time and my wife will become restless and unable to sleep...this is a cruel cruel progression, and I ask you all to pray for my well being. For now I treasure the words" I'm going to bed sweetness" and I let the games begin.

The Heart Beat

The day I graduated from college
The day I made love for the first time
The day I proposed
The day I married my wife
These have been my most defining moments thus far. Today I had a moment that not only defined me as a man, but defined me as a father. Today was the day I heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time.
At 8:15am this morning my wife and I had our 3rd sonogram and this time instead of just a flickering light, we could actually hear this amazing fast and strong heartbeat. I was watching this amazing creature with it's developing arms, legs, eyes, and most of all the sound of this beating beautiful heart. At this moment I looked into my wife's eyes, and in their reflection it was the first time I saw myself as a father. This heartbeat represented a personality that I will help develop. This heartbeat will support the laughter that I will help create. This heartbeat represented a love so strong that only my wife and I could have created. This heartbeat represented a love that I have never felt before in my entire life...this was a love a father could only have for his child.
I have had so many defining moments in my life that have contributed towards me becoming a good man.
Today at 8:15 am I had my first defining moment as not just a man, but as a father. It was the moment I heard my baby's beautiful heart beating...a BABY that was created with the love of a man and a women, but a life that will flourish with the LOVE of a mommy and DADDY.

TIME OFF

To my very few followers and friends. I will be taking the weekend off from my blog. I will give the new comers time to catch up. Please feel free to leave comments, all opinions will help drive future blogs and point of views. Have a great weekend everyone.
The Guide
P.S.
The preggo wife is feeling just grand this weekend and has developed a love for double fudge brownies...God Help Us All.

The Circle

I would like to take a moment to apologize for last nights blog. It was late and I apparently did not proof read appropriately. I did say in blog one that my grammar and spelling was in no way up to par with the literary standards of publishing, so please just rate the actual content. I will in the future try and not blog late at night...late is after 9pm for me now...what happened?

The Circle

My wife and I have this little saying that we always remind each other of and that saying is that our love is like a CIRCLE. We say this after fights, when we are laughing, and to just remind ourselves that we are one unit. The meaning of the CIRCLE is that no matter where we are in the circle good or bad we will always be connected. I know this is cheeezy, but it's a great reference point for us in our relationship and this blog. Remember when I am discussing my wife's personal experiences that we are in this together- we are a CIRCLE...so laugh and enjoy on both our accounts.

At week 6 of our pregnancy we finally had the opportunity to meet with the Dr. and get our 1st Sonogram. The appointment was at 5:15, and I was sick to my stomach the entire day. It was raining relentlessly and I called my wife to remind her of our wedding day. On our wedding day it rained non stop all day, but even so it was the most amazing day of both our lives. Whenever it rains like it did on that May day we remind each other that monsoons in our case is a wonderful thing. The day of our sonogram was a monsoon. I met my wife at the Dr's office, I was wet and scared and felt like this could either be wonderful, or it could go bad. The nurse asked us to please come to back and wait in the little examination room for the sono tech. We waited for about 20 min. but it felt like hours. I decided to roll around on the chair, and play with some phallic instruments to help my wife relax. Apparently, relaxing is hard to do when your in a robe and your legs are in stirrups, so I could see she was getting annoyed. The sono tech knocked and entered the room, I quickly rolled back to my original position and reminded myself it's time to act like an adult. The woman had dark short hair and was not entirely friendly. She explained what she was going to do and got rite to business. At that moment I grabbed my wife's hand and looked directly into her hazel eyes and tried to be confident and strong. The woman inserted the instrument and immediately an image came up on the small monitor. We didn't know that the tech is really not allowed to speak and that it takes time to find the image needed for our results. I saw the tears start to well up in my wife's eyes, and she kept looking at me to see if I was able to see anything, and at the time I saw nothing. Just as my wife and I were about to completely com bust, the short haired lady turned the monitor towards us. It was a feeling that I never encountered before in my entire life. I squeezed my wife's hand and together we saw the image of our unborn child for the 1st time. The sono tech pointed out the heart beat and said everything looked just fine and the heart rate was 120 beats per minute. At that moment it hit me that I was really going to be a dad, and I too started to cry. I hugged my wife so tight, and at that moment more then ever I knew we would always and forever be a CIRCLE.

Paranoid Wife=Manic Husband

My wife has worked in the ER at a major hospital for many years. I have learned that her exposure to all the horrible things she has seen has made her a little bit paranoid. If my wife has a headache it some how becomes a tumor, if her body aches it could be MS, if her glands are swollen it could be cancer...do you get the point? The truth is my wife is a very strong woman in so many way's, but when it comes to any sort of pain or discomfort, well she's one big girly WIMP.
I said in my first blog that we have witnessed a few friends have some major complications with pregnancy's. I think this jaded us both and we too felt we could be victims to something tragic as well. Ever since that amazing scream from the bathroom we have been trying emotionally prepare ourselves for the worst The reality is from the min we found out she was preggo we had already fell in love with the prospect of this treasure that's was size of a poppy seed. With that being said, every little cramp, ache, or slight discomfort upset my wife. I have seen my wife in many uncomfortable and compromising positions, but nothing prepared me for the night she had the dreadful undeniably painful and debilitating GAS.
It was 5:15 on the Monday of her 8th week of pregnancy. I was home doing some work and I heard my wife's car pull into the garage. From the garage I could hear something that sounded like a terrible moaning which got louder as she approached the door to the house. All I could think was what terrible disease or condition could we be dealing with this evening? When my wife stepped in the door she was hunched over as if someone had slugged her in the stomach and was holding her side and making a sound I could have sworn I heard in the movie Free Willy. She looked up at me with this look of terrible pain and threw her self down on the couch whaling in pain. I rushed to her side and asked what was wrong but nothing could have prepared me for her response "I feel like my insides are being ripped out" At that very moment I thought to myself " I bet this is going to be bad GAS" I told my wife to call her OB and lay down for a bit and if the pain did not let up we would go the ER. Well all of five minutes had passed by and we where in the car going 90 to get to the closest hospital. At this time my wife went from Free Willy to the stomach explosion scene from ALIENS. I have never seen anything like it, and now I was starting to think this could be more then GAS. The moaning was loud, the tears where flowing and her face looked like it was transforming into a wherewolf...It was quite scary. We pulled up to the ER and I jumped out of the car to help my wife out and left the car and basically carried her into the ER. At this point I was starting to emotionally condition myself for this most tragic evening of my entire life...a miscarriage. As I left my wife to go park the car and the tears I saw coming from my wife had started to roll down my cheek as well. I thought this was it our little seed didn't make it. By far it was the most horrible feeling I have ever encountered, but now it was time for me to be strong and get ready to be my wifes support system. I called my mother in law and asked her to please meet us in the ER. I ran back to the waiting room to sit with my wife and as I was making my way to her I see all these people with open wounds, evident broken bones, and a lot of blood. I pushed and shoved to sit next to my wife who was making the biggest scene of anyone in the crowded room. She looked up at me and said " Sweetness this is not good " I knew what she meant by the statement but I just replied " we will be fine I promise" Then we heard the nurse call our names to the front of the ER, and they rushed her to the back where she could be treated. At this time my mother in law had just arrived and the Dr was on his way to examine the very expressive patient. The Dr asked some general questions like" wheres the pain?" My wife replied " MY UTERUS IS BEING RIPPED OUT" the Dr. then asked " Is this your first pregnancy?" at the time I didn't understand why they kept asking that question, but later that night I figured it out. They told my wife they where going to perform a sonogram on her and they would be coming to transport her to the Xray room. My mother in law and I where trying our best to console my wife, but the pain was to great and the entire triage area seemed to be looking at us wondering what could be going on inside my wifes body..I'm telling you rent ALIENS the scene when the alien is ripping itself out of the body of the woman was exactly the scene my wife was portraying. Finally the nurse from sono came to transport my wife for her sonogram, the nurse also examined my wife and asked the same question " Is this your 1st pregnancy?" I was not aloud to go into the sono room with my wife, and that killed me. I stared at that door for what seemed like an hour and prayed as hard as I could that both my wife and my growing poppy seed would be ok...and then the door opened. They rolled my wife out of the room and as she passed me I grabbed her hand, she looked up at me and with this tortured look and said " The baby is fine". At that moment I felt such a releif, but then I thought, well then what could be causing my wife such pain,? I mean was this like Renesme growing at a rapid rate tearing up the inside of poor Bella like in the Twilight book? Then it hit me THIS WAS ALL GAS. The reason everyone kept asking if this was my wifes 1st pregnancy was because many 1st timers mistake this ramped GAS for something terrible. They rolled my little Oscar winner back to her little room in the crowded ER and we where waiting for the OB resident to advise us of what to do. After about an hour, my wifes tortured cries began to fade and for a minute their was silence...and then it happend....the loudest fart I have ever heard in my life. My mother and law and I both jumped up and turned around. The entire waiting area that had been watching my wife in such pain now had been staring because of entirely different type of noise. Then it came again and this one was like a minor earthquake rite in the middle of the ER...she ripped another one. All I could say was "OH MY GOD" and my mother in law said "JENNIFER" At that moment my wifes pale face began to turn rosy pink, and she sat up with a sigh of releif and said "OH MY" It was like looking at a little girl who had accidently peed herself, she was so innocent and joyful to be out of such pain. That was the night I spent six hours in the ER because of GAS.
The truth is I would not change any of my actions that night no matter how paranoid my wife always is, but I learned something very valuable...pregnant woman have some pretty damn bad GAS. I have decided to make GAS a very important character in this journey. I promise you GAS will be joining us in many forms and it's deffinately something to" Expect When SHE's Expecting"...FREE WILLY my ass the AlIEN in my wifes stomach turned out to be just a pocket full of HOT AIR.

The Hot Chick

Back in high school I was always fortunate to hang out with the hot chicks. I was not voted best looking nor was I the jock or mysterious artist guy. I was the nice funny fat kid that the girls just wanted to be friends with....Yea it was a cruel joke. While I was thinking about getting to 2nd base they wanted to cry on my shoulder about the last boy who broke up with them. The truth is I vowed to never settle and knew that one day I would have the HOT CHICK. Thankfully, after high school I discovered the gym and a little bit of confidence ultimately my nice inside caught up with my outside. I was at a friends wedding and was drinking one of the many vodka sodas I had chugged back that night and noticed this very very HOT CHICK. After drink number nine I decided to approach this beautiful girl and start a conversation .That was the night that I met my wife Jenn. On our first date I arrived at her door with sunflowers and we had a date that neither of us wanted to end. I use to call Jenn my Audrey Hepburn, because she has this classic look that only a movie star could possess. My wife has long spiral curls, hazel green eyes, and a smile that's resembles Julia Roberts. No matter what she wears her figure can make it look like it was fit for the runway. I didn't settle I ended up marrying the hot Chick, the best part was she also had an inside that matched her outside. I am not trying to turn this into a sappy love story, but knowing this background will only make the blogs to come that much more funny and honest. I want you all to hold on to this first description because after you get a woman pregnant incredible transformations start to happen almost immediately....and you may question ...What Happened To The Hot Chick? The truth is my wife is more beautiful to me now then ever, but some changes are a happening and I'm just saying prepare yourselves. The well put together perfect woman will start to look like they got left out in a bad wind storm, and she can be soooooo mean. Those perfect spiral curls are starting to resemble the angry Greek goddess Medusa, and trust me I have at moments turned to stone. Her amazing smile transforms into the mighty roar of an angry lion, and her eyes they seem to glass over into a rage that could shatter any mirror. These are the wonderful moments you have to look forward to...oh did I mention my wife is only in her 11th week of pregnancy? Like I said earlier hold on to that classic beauty because Audrey Hepburn is starting to resemble Freddy Krueger " 1,2 Freddy's coming for you, 3-4, better lock your door, 5-6...well you get the picture.

False/Positve

Apparently when you take a pregnancy test the results can never really be a false/positive, however a false negative is possible. I wish someone had explained these little facts to my wife during the time we where trying. Just like the boy who cried wolf my wife apparently was pregnant every month until we got a true positive reading. If a symptom associated with getting preggo was to be had my wife had it every month...such as "My boobies hurt, I feel so tired, I'm so nauseous, I'm starving" Yet, just as every day ends in Y my wife got her period. I believe it is also a known fact that you should wait until after your late to take a pregnancy test, well my wife seemed to think that she should taker her test early just for kicks. When the test came back negative well then she would take another test a day after her scheduled friend was suppose to arrive..I truly believe the brand EPT stocks increased quite significantly during the year of us trying. I will never forget the time my mother was visiting us from South Carolina and they both had each other convinced this time she was really pregnant. So my wife jumps up runs to CVS and buys yet another test. I was sitting downstairs watching TV when I hear screaming coming from the upstairs bathroom " IT'S POSITIVE ". My mother and I jumped up and ran up the stairs to meet my wife standing in the bathroom in nothing but a towel. I have never seen a pregnancy test but as soon as I looked at the test I pretty much knew that the symbol in front of me was not a pink cross. My wife apparently thought the control line on top and the negative line on the bottom constructed a perfect positive sign...like I said false/positive. As you can imagine I started to become numb to all of my wife's false alarms. It was Christmas this past year we had a good month of trying and it was almost time to get her period. I begged her to not take another preggo test until she was truly late. I just wanted to enjoy my holiday without the possible disappointment of another false alarm. Do you think she listened um NOPE. I woke up Christmas morning and could tell by her fake smile that she had taken a test and it came back negative. I was truly disappointed I even thought this time my boys had finally made contact but I guess not. Two day's after Christmas my wife was feeling tired and sick she told me she was going to the store to get some Tylenol . My wife quietly slipped in the door and said she was going upstairs to take a nap. Ten minuets later I hear her screaming "SWEETNESS I'M PREGNANT" I must admit I didn't jump or get excited I calmly walked upstairs to witness yet another false/positive. When I looked at the test it was different this time one dark pink line was crossing over another faint pink line. Could this be real? Is it possible that even after her first test was negative 2 days earlier that she could really be preggo? YES it's possible that's why you should wait till after your late to take a test. After the many month's of mind games I needed more proof I needed a digital test no more pink lines. We ran to the store and purchased another test. I saved that digital word that said POSITIVE and keep it by my bathroom mirror just to remind myself every morning of the best day of my life....the day my wife was really pregnant.
So now it starts "What To Expect When She's Expecting"

The story of why

I would like to start by saying that this is the first time I have ever written anything for the public to see. I am not a writer hell, I never received more then a C+ in any English class. So this blog will not be an example of good grammar or any kind of a literary masterpiece. What this blog will provide is a rare glimpse to the male perspective and " What To Expect When SHE'S Expecting" The truth is some woman may not appreciate this point of view so I would like to say this to all the woman up front...I understand that the 9 months of pregnancy takes a huge toll on you emotionally, mentally, and physically, and I appreciate and admire you all...especially my amazing wife. The truth is woman have many points of reference and survival guides to help map out this rare and amazing adventure, but us MEN? We have no compass, no map to guide us through this rollercoster. We are blind we are confused and we have no idea what is going on inside the woman we love. I have already experienced many extraordinary moments of fear, excitement, confusion, total humor, and great uncertainty. This is why at week 10 of my wife's pregnancy I have decided to document my journey and maybe help one guy have a map of my experiences to help them through this remarkable time. For the woman, well you can now see how us guys are feeling and now get a rare glimpse of what we are truly thinking, welcome to the boys club ladies hold on tight.
HOW IT ALL BEGAN a little HIS-story
My wife and I have been happily married for almost 2 years. We decided to become homeowners last year and as many people can relate once your over 30 the world around you starts to have children. My wife and I decided to also embark on the idea of parenthood...well outside of our first baby our dog Bently. We have been trying for about a year with not much luck. We unfortunately had witnessed so many couples have either failed attempts or terrible losses. It's funny when we are 17 we try everything in our power to not get a girl pregnant, but when we are in our 30's we have a window of one hour within one day to create your legacy...what the hell is that all about? Like everyone else we did the ovulation tests, quit smoking, and tried to have fun in the process, but no luck. Then came the dreadful day, my trip to the UROLOGIST. Let me tell you guys this was one appointment I wish I had missed. I was probed, touched, and I felt like I was part of a bad lifetime movie and needed a shower immediately. The good news was after 3 calls to the lab and one annoyed Dr. I was finally given my results..." Your counts are perfect" I must say and this is the truth it was a moment of personal victory. My wife's results came back with positive results as well. With that being said the loving couple had the green lite to reproduce...trust me going to the DMV and taking your road test blind folded is easier then knocking up your wife. I have blogged enough for one night. This was chapter one ladies and GENTS. Next time we talk about false/positives, and the scream I will never forget "I'M PREGNANT SWEETNESS"
See you soon,
THE GUIDE