THE TOXIC AVENGER

I remember as a kid watching either a news show or movie about the many riots during the Vietnam war during the 60's. It was always the image of military soldiers throwing gas grenades into a crowd of young protesters that stuck in my mind. Everyone at the scene would either run frantically or pass out from the terrible odor. I feel the military should invest and start planting pregnant woman in these riots undercover, because let me tell you one of my wife's SBD's = SILENT BUT DEADLY, could easily act as a new and deadly military weapon. I am now experiencing in week 13 that with my wife's many mood swings and deadly gas that she is starting to resemble the ever so terrifying TOXIC AVENGER.
The truth is GAS was always my specialty in my household. I have the ability to use many muscles to create what I call love serenades for my wife. This tends to only happen in the privacy of our home and these serenades sound gross but they really don't smell all that bad. The situation with my wife is completely the opposite her little queefs could seriously destroy anything within a 20 foot radius...they are deadly. The terrifying thing is as this pregnancy progresses these SBD's are now happening at anytime or anyplace...its truly horrifying. This past Sunday we had been doing our usual food shopping when rite there in the middle of the produce isle out of nowhere this god awful smell reaches my nostrils. I knew immediately my wife had detonated another SBD. The funny thing is she tries to act as if she didn't release this certified chemical weapon and continues on her merry way down the isle. The worst is when we are driving, you see we are in the middle of winter and the windows need to be sealed shut. As we are both having a discussion about what type of crib we may want all of a sudden the TOXIC AVENGER strikes in full force. I was a victim with no place to go and no air and thought that I might lose consciousness while driving my child appropriate SUV . We have just received a notice from the town commissioner stating our taxes have increased due to the many complaints about a fowl odor that was coming from our house. In another blog I will talk about the many different foods and abundance of it that my wife has been ingesting, but it certainly is a clue to the toxic stench which is produced within wife's tiny body.
I understand that this is something that happens to many pregnant woman, but I feel as if someone has taken my much deserved title away from me. My wife is now the reigning champion of FARTING. Men be AWARE and WARN your loved ones that a pregnant woman is most likely the host to the worlds most deadliest chemical weapon and its called the PSBD=Pregnant Silent But Deadly.