The Paternal Clock

A few years ago my biggest concern was how many days I would be able to hit the gym. My diet consisted of protein shakes and lean meat and a piece of bread meant an extra 45 minuets of cardio. I was never very good at sports but I looked like an athlete and I felt great about how I looked and felt. I had no real worries and my life was about my career and what club I would be going to on Friday night. On one Aug day about 2 years ago I broke my leg in three places and needed immediate surgery. When I woke up after surgery I was not able to move my right foot, I later found out that 85% of the use of my foot may never return. At that time I learned to cope with the things that would now restrict me like running, dancing, or being able to go to the gym. I walk with a slight limp but my life didn't stop, I don't think about my restrictions I just face reality and adapted to the situation. A few week's ago I heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time I felt a paternal clock start to tick.
I started to feel these different emotions of sadness, anger , and I was conflicted. I realised I suppressed and took for granted the simple things that I no longer can do. Now I keep thinking about how my condition will affect my unborn child. I remember my dad teaching me to ride a bike , teaching me to play baseball and carry me on his shoulders. These are the memories I didn't think of to much as an adult, but now that I'm going to be a dad I understand how valuable those moments truly are. I no longer think about protein shakes and the gym, I worry about tripping on my own foot and the daily pain in my leg is a reminder of my accident. The reason I'm conflicted is because the day I heard that heartbeat I started to think about all the things that I want to do as a father. I want to run around in a field with my child, or dance with my baby, or carry my child on my shoulders without worrying about tripping. Will this accident rob me of those gifts? Will my child not be able to have the memories that I treasured? My accident for the first time is making me angry, because it's making me question my capabilities as a dad. I may not have been the best athlete growing up but I NEVER sat on the sidelines of life, and now I feel like I'm being forced to sit out on the best part of the game. I'm conflicted with the restrictions this accident has done to me, but I REFUSE to let anything steal a single moment of the gift of fatherhood. I may not be able to carry my child on my shoulders, but I will never let go of that child's hand. I may not be able to run and play baseball, but I will never miss a game. I will find a way to dance with my child. I will NOT sit this game out, rather I will find a way to be the MVP of this child's life. I am faced with the challenge that will transform me from a man into an amazing father. Some of you who read this blog know me well, some of you are getting to know me through this blog. The truth is this blog is helping me in many ways to in vision myself as more then just a man, but as a father to be.
My paternal clock started to tick the day I heard my baby's heartbeat. This means father hood starts NOW. I've been called into the game and I need to play better then ever before in my life. I have about seven months to condition myself physically and mentally to be the best I can be, despite my small challenges. My life is a gift, and the life that I am creating is the biggest gift life has to offer. I feel like a child on Christmas morning and this is one gift I can't wait to open, and this is one game where the bench is NOT an option. There may be some games I can't play, but then those will be the moments that my child will call me COACH.