Thursday, June 10, 2010

Four Day's Of HELL

My wife is currently just reaching her 26th week of pregnancy, so at this time your really not thinking about the possibility of going into labor. We spent last Saturday buying a carpet and things to decorate Noelle's nursery. That night we went to dinner with our friend Steve and my wife excused herself to use the rest room because she wasn't feeling well. When she exited the bathroom I knew something was very wrong because she was walking like a 90 year old woman who lost her walker and had major a flare up of hemorrhoid's. We decided immediately to go home so she could rest in hopes that whatever she was feeling would pass. The next morning I woke up and my wife had already called the Dr. and was packed and ready to go to the hospital...all I could think of was OH NO THE GAS IS BACK. We rushed to the hospital and went directly to the 4th floor which was for delivery. My wife went into the bathroom to put on her robe and get ready to be examined...as she walked out of the bathroom all the nurses said "STOP", ya see in my wife's agony she did not button up the robe and she was about to show everyone in delivery her VA JAY JAY, and La tushela. Once properly dressed they set her up in bed and was hooked up to all these different monitors...this began our FOUR DAYS OF HELL.
A few hours later the Dr came in to the room and my wife was still in horrible pain, the Dr said ok lets do a full exam...I said "OK I'm outta here" The Dr said from behind the curtain "all the guys leave at this point" I said "That's because we like to remember things down THERE as they use to be" The Dr. said "very good point". The curtain whipped open and he was ready to tell us the diagnoses, he said " Your having contractions and they are 2 minuets a part" This is not what you want to hear when your only at 26 weeks. Within minuets they hooked my wife up to every machine and started giving her meds to stop the contractions. This by far was one of the most horrible 48 hrs of my life...the baby was just not ready for this world, and the fear that something could happen to my wife or Noelle was unbearable...and there was NOTHING I could do. Finally the contractions slowed down and things were looking better so she was able to eat real food. I knew as my wife took a bite of her cheeseburger that something would go wrong...why would you serve a woman who has been on an IV for 2 days a cheeseburger? Within minuets my wife was feeling cramps again and worse then ever, all I could think was oh no its the contractions again. My wife sat up in bed and said "I'm going to be sick" The nurse hands me a small bed pan and within seconds it was like a scene from the Exorcist...she started vomiting everywhere. I held the small pan under her mouth and it filled up so quickly I screamed for help and was about to puke myself..my mother in law grabbed the ice bucket and that filled up...she was like an erupting volcano of vomit. Within moments I saw the color return to my wife's face and with that innocent voice she said "I feel better now" I on the other hand was covered in PUKE. After the vomit incident we thought we where in the clear...but then we heard the nurses say the baby was not as active as they would like...I immediately felt my heart breaking, and saw my wife was about to break down. All I could think of was our pink unfinished nursery and how it needed to be occupied. For the next 2 days I spent every minuet by my wife's side as they monitored the baby's little heartbeat. it's times like this that you realise emotionally how already in love you are with this baby, and the woman who is carrying her...the problem is as a man you feel so helpless, and all you can do is try and be strong and not totally break down. After another 2 days of monitoring they decided to release my wife to go home for a few months of bed rest. I am soooooo excited to be a provider, husband,father, and now nurse...I would do anything to make sure Noelle stays put a little bit longer and that my wife stays healthy.
The past 4 days definitely was a short visit to HELL, however it was the 1st issue my wife and I had to survive as a family. Spending those days by my wife's side and seeing her courage and strength was truly inspiring. We definitely came through this experience stronger as a couple, and better equipped to be a family. My wife and I certainly do know one conclusion...our little Noelle is going to be one perfect, beautiful, impatient pain in the little ASS... and we wouldn't have it any other way.

I would like to thank all of our friends and family for all the support and prayers during the last four days...we love you all.

Monday, May 31, 2010

MEMORIAL DAY

In the past the preparation for Memorial Day weekend would start many weeks before the arrival of summer. The gym would be increased to 5 times a week, and the diet would consist of just protein and water. Memorial Day weekend for my group of friends meant you had to rock a tank top or bikini and party like a Hollywood movie star all weekend long. In the past about 20 of us would pack our best sunglasses and hitch rides out to the Hampton's to experience a beach side club called Neptune's. We would hop on line and spend a day in the sun drinking, and loving our youth...Those where the best days of my life...and then we step into that OTHER stage of life.
Memorial Day 2010
Friday night...Spent the night at home, my wife sleeping by 9:30pm.
Saturday...Went to Home Depot to buy paint and molding for the baby's room. Saturday night had people over to watch the UFC fight, my wife was sleeping by 10pm.
Sunday...went to our friends pool for a party...THE MAIN EVENT. My friends younger sister lives with my friends and is about 26...prime time. She had her friends over early and they where all pregaming before going to the Hampton's to party at Neptune's. I sat with them and we discussed all the crazy happenings of the Hampton's, and a part of me truly missed my crazy years of being young and care free and my only worry was how I would get home safe that night. My friends sister and her entourage left for the Hampton's around 2pm, and the rest of my friends guests started to arrive at our party...and it was like I stepped into a new and very different stage of my life...PARENTHOOD. By 3pm my friends yard was filled with baby's ranging from 3 months to 1 yrs old. Everywhere I looked I saw throw up, dirty diapers, strollers, and NOBODY was rocking their tank tops or bikini's...I looked at my very preggo wife and started to have a panic attack. I questioned weather I was ready to be a parent? While everyone was ooogling over these baby's I wanted to be dancing and drinking in a sea of drunks over looking the ocean...what was wrong with me???? I felt like I was stuck in between two stages of my life and I was having this internal battle trying to hold on to my youth. My wife saw me and grabbed my hand and said "I know how you feel, but it will be ok" Then I remembered, my wife use to be dancing and rocking her own bikini with me on that deck in the Hampton's. Now she is carrying something more beautiful then any sunny day, and I get to enter this new stage with the best woman in the world. The truth is watching all my friends juggle all their new families was overwhelming for the both of us and that's just normal. The reality is I spent many days partying it up like a rock star in many clubs and that was an amazing time in my life. Now I must look a head to a new future and family that I will get to encounter. I will be cleaning up throw up, and changing diapers on future Memorial Days..but I will still rock a tank top, and my wife will absolutely still rock her bikini, and Noelle will be sporting her own sunglasses...life will be just fine. One thing I will say is my daughter will NEVER be going to a club called Neptunes...because my wife and I wrote the BOOK she will be trying to read...NEVER :)
Happy Memorial Day Everyone

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The ZAPPER

Unlike most men I truly do enjoy shopping. It's not the actual act of shopping I love, rather I admit to enjoying new and exciting items. My wife makes fun of me because I can't pass up a Marshall's with a discounted Affliction T-shirt or Calvin Klein suit. The best SALE in my book is when something is FREE, which is why I do happen to LOVE the process of registering for a wedding or baby shower. I make it very well known that I would be in control of the Zapper which scans all of our choices. For our wedding I went NUTS and seriously pouted when I found out it was not appropriate to register at BEST BUY, or Circuit City...I'm sorry every new couple absolutely needs a 62 inch LCD flat screen TV. I settled for the very cool vacuum and blender at Bed Bath and Beyond, but I still think men should get their own type of shower maybe we can call it a POWER.
Last week I had the honor of going to Bye Bye Baby, and Baby's R Us with my wife and sister to register for the baby shower. I knew I needed to have some way of participating so I had to be the controller of the ZAPPER. With this POWER I went absolutely NUTS and drove my wife who is always practical crazy, and that always puts a smile on my face. It was like I was transformed into an infant in a toy store and I started ZAPPING everything cool. My child will not just have a pack and play she will have a pack and play 3000, she will have the best stroller, high chair, and OMG the toys..all I gotta say is I will even be entertained. By the end of the day my wife and sister where out of breath and I was feeding my shopping high ready to hit the next store...I even got myself a diaper bag called the Diaper DUDE...Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I know hours later my wife went home deleted some items online that I have ZAPPED, but what she does not know is I have the original print out and will adding my cool stuff back on that registry. The truth is most guy's would fight having to participate in this process, but if you pretend you where in a sporting goods store or electronic warehouse it really can be fun. I loved picking the most fun, safe, and cute items for my daughter, and pictured all the smiles they would produce for my Noelle. I will say this AMERICA...Buy Buy Baby, Best Buy, or Baby's R Us are more then welcome to send me my 62 inch 3D LCD flat screen TV for all the free advertising mentioned in this blog. For all the guys my advise is this...If we must go with our wives to either register for a wedding or baby shower make sure you, and only you, have the POWER of holding the ZAPPER and go absolutely NUTS.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The BabyMOON

Last Saturday I returned from a vacation or what people are now calling a BABYMOON. A babymoon is a new trend where couples plan a vacation before having their first baby. This is to enjoy the last moments alone as a couple without the worries of parenthood. I will say this to my few male readers DO NOT think your babymoon will resemble your Honeymoon, because at 22 weeks preggo it's a whole different type of vacation. We decided to return to the destination of our Honeymoon and go to Sandals in the Bahamas. On my Honeymoon my wife and I escaped back to our room every day for some LOVING and a nap....Babymoon I got lots of NAPS. we did try some loving on the first day, but after a certain point It just, well it feels strange when you know your baby is sharing your wife's body with you...so NAPS and snuggles became the new afternoon delight. On my honeymoon we soaked in the sun all day long...Babymoon your wife will last a few hours before she's uncomfortable and needs immediate air conditioning. Honeymoon we drank all day in the pool and met other drunken couples...Babymoon..virgin Pina Coladas and nobody wanted to talk to the knocked up sober couple. Honeymoon we wondered exotic islands and went on crazy adventures...Babymoon if it did not have a bathroom within a 15 foot radius it just wasn't possible.
I did experience something on my babymoon that I never experienced with any woman on any vacation...CONSTIPATION. After five days of bliss my wife started to feel uncomfortable and realised she has not been able to go to the bathroom. The pain and discomfort began to grow, and we know what happens to my beautiful wife when she's uncomfortable ( if you forgot go read the GAS blog again or rent FREE WILLY) We finally decided to go see the hotel nurse, who was a large and quite scary woman. The nurse said a word that will be sadly imprinted in my mind for the rest of my life... she said my wife needed an "ENEMA". My heart began to pound out of my chest and the beads of sweat started to pour out of my forehead when it hit me...I WOULD HAVE TO PERFORM THIS PROCEDURE ON MY WIFE. We both walked up to the pharmacy and not a word was exchanged when we purchased the DEVICE . It was as if we where two teenagers buying condoms for the first time for an afternoon romp. We finally reached our room and I laid on the bed as my wife prepared for the immediate release of pressure..then my wife called " Sweetness I'm ready". Usually those words coming from a beautiful woman in a hotel room was music to my years, but this was a totally different situation. I held my chest and took a deep breath as I walked around the corner to the bathroom. I grabbed the DEVICE closed my eyes, counted to three and performed the procedure. I had but moments to take cover before the explosion hit, and I ran to the bed and grabbed a pillow to drown out moans and screams...and then there was silence.
It took about 10 uncomfortable minuets before we could look at each other again, and we just started to laugh uncontrollably. It's definitely true LOVE when you can give your wife an ENEMA and still think she's the most beautiful woman in the world.
This Babymoon was definitely not like my Honeymoon, but it did give me some incredible and priceless moments to remember. I felt my baby girl move for the first time, I remembered what it's like to just cuddle with my wife. I saw just how beautiful a pregnant woman could be, and we reconnected as husband and wife, and became a family.
A babymoon is a wonderful thing...just make sure your wife eats lots and LOTS of PRUNES.
This Sunday, May 16th is our 2 year Anniversary and I just wanted to say to my wife who puts up with all these blogs that your husband
LOVES YOU WITH ALL HIS HEART AND THANKS YOU FOR THE BEST YEARS OF HIS LIFE.....HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SWEETNESS...Love your Beast.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I'm An Asshole

Through this experience I have disclosed some uncomfortable, sensitive, and wonderful moments of WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN SHE's EXPECTING. My wife has been an incredible sport and has had an amazing attitude of support and understanding when it comes to my new creative outlet of blogging. With that being said I need expose and reflect some uncomfortable moments of myself as well...So this week I was an admittedly an ASSHOLE. The truth is for the most part I try and be a good husband, I do laundry, I help cook, and I never disrespect my wife...but when your wife is Preggo I need to remember that good is not good enough. The truth is my wife is such a hard worker and is just not lazy so I forget she's working so much harder as she is carrying. This past weekend we decided to have a group of friends over for dinner. When we have company my wife goes into total HOST CRAZY MODE...everything must be cleaned, the food must be perfect, and with that comes CHORES. By no means was I sitting around watching TV while my wife prepared for our guests, but I probably could and should have done more. By the time the guests filled our empty house my poor wife was tired and physically exhausted, and I just didn't notice. I was overwhelmed with be a host that I also was insensitive and snapped at my wife over an undercooked steak. That moment the exhaustion and hormones took over and the tears filled my wife's hazel eyes... I was a total ASSHOLE. The truth is any other time the situation probably would not have phased either of us...BUT GUYS we can't forget that when your wife is carrying the most important gift in the world it is not just any other time. As usual my wife and I talked it out like we always do when we argue. By morning I was ready to change and step up my game, because GOOD is NOT good enough during pregnancy. I need to evolve with my wife and prepare myself for many years of extra patience and more love, so I need to start now with my wife.
Guys remember this: your wife is carrying the most important part of who you are. She is uncomfortable, self conscience, hormonal, sick, and usually is physically tired....This is the time to tell her you LOVE her, tell her how beautiful she is, and thank her for everything she is enduring....but most of all make sure you are her partner and help her every step of the way. When I saw those tears in my wife's eyes I realised I was the ASSHOLE...I learned that day I need to be a GREAT husband, because being just GOOD ended the day she said " Sweetness I'm Pregnant"

I need to tell you all I am going away on a BABYMOON next week to the Bahamas. I am sure I will have a great entry when I get back, but I will not be blogging while on vacation. See you all soon,
The Asshole :)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The First NOEL

This morning at 8:30 am was my wife's 2nd level sonogram, and it was also the day I found out I was definitely going to be a father of a healthy baby girl. We found out that my wife was pregnant at Christmas and we love the holidays just as much as the Griswold's so it was fitting to name our little girl NOEL. A few weeks ago at our last sonogram they thought the baby may be a girl but her legs were crossed so it was hard to determine. This morning although her legs were still crossed a determination was made...ALL I could think was if I'm having a girl I AM VERY HAPPY SHE IS LEARNING TO KEEP HER LEGS CROSSED...this is one lesson best started in the womb. The truth is now that I know the sex I can see the future so much clearer . I truly am excited to be having a girl, because I know I am going to spoil her and she will always be daddy's little girl. I can't wait for all the treasures our future as a family will bring...HOWEVER, I am concerned if she will suspect her loving father when her Boyfriends keep mysteriously disappearing. I know that it's silly to think of this now, but being a guy I know what happens to daddy's little girl on an INNOCENT date with a boy..I will shoot them all in the balls and lock my little girl up until she is ready for marriage at 34.
OK With all that being said I would not change today for the world. I keep thinking of the movie "Father Of The Bride" and the bond a father can have with his little princess. It's strange now that I know the sex I feel the connection and anticipation has grown so much, and I cant wait to meet this beautiful little girl. She will be my first NOEL and the best gift any holiday could ever give. I hope she is the spitting image of my wife because then she will posses the features of a classic Hollywood actress . I hope she has my whit and humor and with a touch of kindness she will be simply PERFECTION...but she will learn early on how to KEEP THOSE PERFECT LEGS CROSSED and to always listen to her daddy. For now the Doctor says NOEL is about 12oz and is developing perfectly. My wife is on cloud nine and is feeling great, she is already mapping out all the things pink our little girl must have. We are half way to the day we get to meet our baby girl and now more then ever I can't wait to look into the eyes of our little NOEL.

Monday, April 5, 2010

BENTLEY AND ME

About five years ago I persuaded my wife, then girlfriend to take a ride out east to visit a shelter for dogs. I always make it seem like we are just going to LOOK, yet we always end up leaving with exactly what I set my mind to get...In this case it was a BENTLEY. This Bentley does not have 4 wheels and a shiny exterior rather this one has 4 legs and a furry exterior. When we pulled up to the shelter we had it in our minds to just simply look at the puppies and see if one catches our eyes. We had to walk through all the older unwanted dogs in order to get to the puppies and it was then when my eyes set upon what would be my true first child. As soon as I look at this dog which seriously looks like a cartoon character with his over sized head, short legs, and huge paws I knew this was the misfit that I would have to adopt. At first my wife wanted to keep looking but this dogs eyes would not let go of my heart and I was sold. The dog was 2 years old and was a mix of lab, basset hound, and pit bull . This dogs appearence was as priceless as a brand new Bentley and so it was only fitting that Bentley was to be his name. We had to wait a few days to pick him up and my now wife was very sceptical of the arrival of our first child, but I knew this dog was special and he needed us to be his parents. Within a month Bentley became what my wife calls " Gods version of heaven on earth" she immediately fell in love just as I did with this perfect animal. It was like he knew we saved him and from the minute we picked him up he vowed to be be loving, loyal, and to keep us together as a family with every lick of his over sized tongue. The truth is it was this dog that saved my relationship with my now wife. About 2 months after the arrival of our child my now wife had began to face some difficult issues which led us to separate for a while. We decided to live in different places and take some time a part to reflect and think about our futures together. Bentley would stay with me and my wife would stop by from time to time to help out and doggy sit when I had to travel on business. The truth is time to time became weekends, and sometimes during the week my wife quite simply could not stand to be away from the dog. After a few months our mutual love for this dog actually brought us closer together and with time my wife and I fell in love all over again...all because of a dog refusing to loose another family. Within a year I proposed to my wife and our family would finally be complete and our dog was the most important thing in our lives and everyone knew it. The truth is this dog gives us his unconditional love and our biggest fear is the day when god decides to take his little piece of heaven back. I remember going to see the movie "Marley and Me" and in the theater my wife and I SOBBED uncontrollably for the entire last half hour of the movie, because we just thought of the day that Marley would be Bentley.
My wife is now 18 weeks pregnant and quite honestly if it wasn't for this dog with an over sized head and heart we never would have had this amazing gift of a baby which would truly complete this perfect family. I say my dog is my first child and I mean that, but I am so happy that my first baby will have the opportunity to grow up with Bentley as her first dog. My baby will know the reason why her mother and father's love was reconnected by a dog who refused to let us drift a part. She will know that Bentley set into motion the events that would help bring her into this world. Some may think my wife and I are a little bit strange because of how much we love our dog, but with that being said I can only imagine how much our hearts will grow the day we get to meet our baby. I can't wait to introduce NOEL to her dog BENTLEY, by the way did I mention I am going to have a baby girl? whats more perfect then a Boy and a Girl , even if the boy has 4 legs and a big head. I will always be in debt to this misfit of a dog for bringing my family back to me. Maybe he was sent from the heavens to help me my wife work out our issues because with his love we found ours again...and it was that love that created our little girl. So call it what you want, but as for me and my wife we truly do believe he is nothing short of a piece of heaven on earth...besides who wouldn't want a BENTLEY?